Dark Tower

In the dream, I knew I was dead. My body kept moving, my lungs breathing, but I had the absolut certainty that I wasn’t alive anymore. Instead, my body wandered aimlessly trhough that dark tower, some kind of purgatory shaped like an scorpion tail.

For some reason, I knew that I was supposed to reach the top of the stairs that crawled around the tower. There, I would find redemption, the purifying light, all that bullshit. However, to get to the last step, I had to face all my sins. Every single thing that I had done wrong in my entire life. From the candies I had stolen as a kid, to that time I was so drunk I punched that guy you were dating. Hundreds of small mistakes piled up until they made it almost imposible to walk.

I saw myself saying those horrible things I screamed at you during that one huge fight in the park, and I saw Sophie crying when I went back to you for the fiftieth time. Our whole story was there, full of deamons, pain, and ill intentions.

Step by step, I managed to overcome the shadows and climb up the stairs, until the air got cleaner and I could almost see the clear sky that awaited me. However, now that I was so close to redemption, my legs stopped moving. At first I thought that it was a final punishment, the torture of leaving the key to your chains a few centimeters away from your reach, but then I understood that it was something else.

I simply didn’t repent. I knew I had sinned, but those sins had been my life. Maybe I wasn’t a good person, but a good person could have never been with you. Never fucked you, never looked at you while you were sleeping and saw a glimpse of order inside all the chaos.

With a dumb smile on my face, I turned away from the light and started climbing down the stairs.